The past is a treasure trove

Pirates!

When we think of pirates the images that are conjured are of parrots, wooden legs, the skull and crossbones flag, buried treasure, tropical islands or sailing the high seas and a multitude of movies and books have been created around this theme.

Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow, like so many pirates of fiction and fantasy, presents a romanticised version of pirating, of the rascal with a heart of gold, and of adventures where the good guys win. But real pirates were not like that, and neither are modern day pirates that still ply the seas and oceans of the world. They operated outside the boundaries of the law and did not let anything get in the way of the thing they desired the most – treasure!

Pirates stole treasure, pirates buried treasure, and pirates made treasure maps so they could find it again.

The past is buried treasure…but you don’t need a map

I often hear people bemoan the fact they feel stuck in the past, that they seem to make the same mistakes over and over again, or that they are doomed or fated to keep repeating the past – and not in a good way. If we haven’t felt completely stuck in the past, most of us know that feeling when something from the past jumps up and bites us, usually at the most unexpected or inappropriate time.

What is happening here is that there are events, feelings and situations that we have buried in our pasts but, unlike buried treasure, we don’t need a map to find them as these issues present themselves unasked for. The temptation then, because the feelings that accompany these memories are often difficult or unpleasant, is to bury the issues again, this time in a deeper hole.

The past is a treasure trove…let’s get digging!

But burying the past doesn’t work, and we know that, but for many of us it’s the only way we know to deal with the unpleasantness of our pasts. But I believe there is a better way.

What if, instead of burying the past, we actually dug it up, dug into it, and tried to find the treasure buried there? I believe that it is in the more difficult, even the most difficult, times of our lives that we develop unique strength and power that is just waiting for us to tap into. But if we insist on merely burying the past we rob ourselves of so much treasure that is just at our fingertips.

Now I’m not talking about the work that a counsellor or psychologist may do to help with past trauma. That is the work for professionals which may be helpful to address some deep-seated issues – and which I have used myself to great effect. No, what I’m referring to is reflecting on the past, asking questions of yourself, with some guidance and feedback, so that you begin to see what lies behind attitudes and beliefs, actions and decisions.

The past is a treasure chest of backstories  

Unconscious drivers are those factors and attitudes that drive our lives and decision-making, things like our beliefs around who we are, what we are worth, or what we can achieve. These unconscious drivers can be found in areas such as money and finances, business and work, education, health, national identity, gender and diversity, relationships, faith and worldview.

Unconscious drivers are not necessarily formed only in trauma or great difficulty, but also in the more everyday things of family and culture, and encompass ideas and attitudes that were communicated to us as children. They are ideas and attitudes that we are not consciously aware of or, if we are, we don’t question where such viewpoints originate from.

But we notice them when they impact our relationships and disrupt our peace of mind.

The hidden treasure in backstories

All these stories from our pasts, all these backstories, contribute to who we are today. But if we don’t know what our backstories are, or if we don’t realise the impact they have on the present, then we continue to be held hostage by the surprises of unwanted feelings and memories that bring us pain and discomfort.

If you would like to know more about how to use the backstories of your past to really bring power to the present and the future, put your contact details below.

Then we can work together to uncover the power of your past, to unearth the unconscious factors driving your life, and develop wonderful strategies to use the treasure trove of your past as power for the future!

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Embracing the present…responsibly

When we think of being present to the moment, mindfulness or meditation come to mind as activities to develop this skill…and both are great because they encourage us to slow down.

In recent blogs l have detailed a couple of practices I’ve included in my life to embrace the present – such as taking a walk and experiencing all the things that could be seen, felt and heard, and sitting by the beach and seeing what unfolds. I know others have found activities like colouring-in to be very helpful at embracing the moment and staying focussed on the present.

But there is a much deeper aspect to embracing the present, one that cuts through to the heart of who we are as people.

Embrace the present by not playing the victim

All of us have the capacity to play the victim in one or more areas of our lives.

At work or in our business, we may feel we are at the mercy of market forces or unreasonable workmates or bosses. We may feel that others have had more “lucky breaks” than we have, and feel that we are always at a disadvantage, or overlooked for promotions or advancement.

In our relationships, we may see ourselves as the ones less-valued. We may view our pasts as hindrances to developing solid friendships or the relationship we’ve always wanted. We may feel “unlucky in love” and sense we are destined to not find that person with whom we can the kind of relationship we long for.

However, embracing the present asks that we not play the victim, that we accept that we are where we are because of our decisions. This is not an easy thing to do and requires courage to face up to the mindsets we have shown and the choices we have made which have contributed to where we are right now.

This does not negate the fact that there are forces at work and people outside our control, but the one thing we can always govern is how we respond to these people and situations and whether we stay in the place we’re at…or move on.

We do have the power to respond to our circumstances in ways we choose…and responding as a victim is not helpful on any level, primarily because it allows us to sidestep any responsibility we have for the situation we are in. And a victim mentality is very unattractive quality to foster as others find such thinking difficult to connect with and we can start to see everyone else as either better than us or more fortunate.

Playing the victim card can lead to a lack of gratitude for all that we do have to be thankful for or that we can celebrate. This victim-mentality can bring us to a point where we can see no good in anything, either in ourselves, in others or in our daily life experiences. This is very sad and limiting way to live.

Embrace the present by not blaming others

A corollary to playing the victim is blaming others.

Most of us can look at one or more situations in our lives – either presently or in the past – and rightly attribute blame or culpability to another person. And others are often to blame for significantly contributing to the more negative impacts life has on us.

But, living in a state of perpetually blaming others ensures that we stay stunted in our growth as individuals and that we never take responsibility for the part we’ve played in these more difficult situations. It is not comfortable to look at our own shortcomings or to objectively assess our complicity in terms or poor decision-making or limiting mindsets. However, it is an essential place to get to because, at this point, we are able to look at ourselves with realistic eyes.

Embrace the present and take responsibility

At the heart of embracing the present is the imperative to take full responsibility for where we are, right at this moment.

Focussing activities – such as I mentioned earlier in this blogpost- are opportunities for us to disengage our brains from the blame game long enough for us to assess our situations with clear eyes and a focussed mind. This is where mediation is so helpful because, as we engage with our breathing and disengage our conscious minds, we are more able to take a step back from ourselves in a conscious space and look at life through fresh eyes.

Even the more childlike activities of colouring-in and running our hands through bushes and grasses allows us to step back from the cares of our lives, from the usual paths our brains move in, and give ourselves time to reset our thinking. And in resetting our thoughts we are more able to see our own actions and decisions in a different light and can more readily assume responsibility where we once had resisted.

Once our minds are clearer, we are more able to realise that the place we find ourselves in is a direct result of all the choices we have made up to this point in our lives.

Embracing responsibility is a sign of maturity

It takes a certain measure of maturity to be able to assess the impact our decisions have had on the difficult things we have experienced and to accept responsibility for where we are. But doing so frees us up to move forward without the baggage of the past, without the ties of unrealistic expectations of life and allows us to be open to possibilities that remain closed while ever we see ourselves as victims or others as to blame.

Embrace the present. Accept responsibility. Live freely and lightly.

 

Surprises await as you embrace the present

I had not long moved to Melbourne and I decided to explore the Surf Coast west of the city. I drove through Geelong and then on to Torquay, stopping for coffee, lunch and a bit of shopping. My final destination was Bell’s Beach – the famed big surf beach, home to world class surfing competitions.

I am not a surfer – body surfing, yes, board riding, no – but I love watching surfers interact with the waves and skilfully do something I cannot do.

I went down the long flight of wooden steps to the beach – not really a beach but more of a rocky foreshore –  and found a dry rock to sit on. The day was cold, and the sky overcast, but that did not deter the wet-suited surfers from making the most of the available waves.

I expected to enjoy myself but was not prepared for the surprise that came with this decision to spend time embracing the present.

Embracing the present is a choice

My faith or world view perspective is that of acknowledging a presence bigger than my own, which I call God. As I sat down, I was very aware of my connection both with what was going on in front of me and around me and I also wanted to touch base with the Divine. So, I said to God, “If you want to talk to me or show me something, I’m open and listening. But if you just want me to be here with you, I’m really OK with that.”

So, I found my rock and watched.

I watched the surfers paddle out and sit astride their boards or lay full length as they too watched and waited. I watched as they caught a wave, black-clad bodies lithely springing up and swaying and dancing on the board as they manoeuvred it to make full use of each wave. I watched as more surfers arrived, stretching long limbs in readiness for the waves, picking their way carefully over the rocky foreshore before sliding effortlessly onto their boards to paddle with long strokes out to their compatriots.

They had made a choice on this grey to embrace their present, be present to the pull and tug of the waves, and the vagaries of the weather. I had made a choice to sit, to watch and to wait.

A surprise and an answer

I watched too as a red cattle dog trotted back and forth at the waves’ edge, looking out at the riders. His master must be among the surfers, I surmised.

And, after a while, the dog saw me too.

Over a period of about ten minutes, with no encouragement on my part, this red cattle dog gradually came closer and closer to the rock on which I was sitting. He circled the rock a few times before coming slowly to stand beside where I was sitting, as we both looked out to sea.

I did not touch him or talk to him. I just watched and waited. Gradually, he sat down beside me, then he lay down beside me and finally he lay his head on my feet. We sat together, like that, for another 15 minutes or so. I resisted the urge to pat or stroke him – after all, he was an unfamiliar dog. But I was able to see the name written on his tag, Enzo, Prince of Darkness.

I knew I had the answer to my question of God – in the just sitting, in the being present, I had the opportunity to experience the Divine through this dog. We were one and connected for this short space of time, for this moment in time.

What other surprises await in the moment?

I didn’t know that this would be the surprise awaiting me when I made an intentional choice to embrace the moment on the cold August day at Bell’s Beach. And I think that is just the point.

Embracing the present opens us up to unthought-of surprises, unanticipated events and occurrences that stay with us forever. I know I will never forget that day at Bell’s Beach and each time I recount this story I am taken back to the day, to what I experienced and how I felt as Enzo chose to join me, chose to share his present with me.

Not every time I embrace the present am I gifted with a wonderful surprise such as this. But if I don’t choose to be in the moment, then I will never be gifted with such moments or if I am, I will not notice them, or they will pass unappreciated.

What about you? Do you have an “in the moment” surprise that you would like to share? I’d love to hear what it is so please add it in the comments below. We can encourage each other to make choices each day, to be in the moment, and to embrace the present, and see what surprises await us.

 

Invite stillness to embrace the present

I went out for a drive on the first fine warm day after a week of rain and cold. Spring in Melbourne is so changeable and winter this year had seemed particularly long. I put the top down on the car and allowed the sun to warm my skin – one method I often use to embrace the present and feel more in touch with what is happening around me.

I turned right at the bottom of the road, rather than left as I usually did, to explore a part of the bay area that I hadn’t previously seen. After driving about 15 kilometres to Flinders I found a parking area that looked out towards Phillip Island. I knew I needed to stop and just, well, stop, but I found it hard to do so.

I’d had a busy morning – organised a new learning plan, took part in a weekly podcast, had a one-to-one discovery session with a potential client – and I’d come out on this drive to be refreshed. But I found stopping hard. I wanted to embrace the present so, even though I  was tempted to get my phone out and check emails, or play Words with Friends, or look at Facebook, I resisted reaching into my bag. I wanted to get out of the car and go for a walk, but I knew I needed to just stop, to be still. It was very hard to just be still.

But…I did. I stopped. Just sat in the car and looked out at the ocean. I tried to think, to put words to what I was seeing, to what I was feeling, but I realised that this was just another way of doing something, so I stopped. I just stopped, I was still, and embraced the present moment.

Be still, and see what is happening…in the present.

And, interestingly, it was not long – only minutes – before I started noticing things that I hadn’t previously seen. The couple in the car next to me were having a conversation and I could catch snippets of words through the open windows. I wanted them to be quiet and as I looked across to their car I noticed a blue wren hopping on the ground between our two cars. A blue wren. Brilliant blue, long tail flashing in the sun. I was delighted!

I watched as the wren skittered to the bushes that lined the car park and I tried to get a photo, but he was too fast. So, I just sat, and watched. The wren disappeared into the bushes and a seagull wheeled in and perched on the fence – no doubt hoping that someone in the cars ranged along the fence would have some hot chips or a piece of bread to share.

Then it happened. The blue wren flew out of the bushes and hopped along the road right next to my car. He bobbed his head, hunting the ants that scurried across the pebbled tarmac. His head and back flashed blue in the sun. What a gift – in the present – which i would have missed if I had not invited stillness into my life.

For the next 15 or 20 minutes I just looked. And I noticed the white caps on the waves far out on the bay. I watched the flock of birds wheeling and dipping against the pale blue spring sky. I saw the woman who stopped only long enough to take three snapshots of the view and the minibus of tourists who were given a lesson about the history of the bay.

Embrace the present in a new way.

And then, I felt it was okay to move on to the next beach. Here I walked the beach, eyes closed, listening and feeling without sight to guide me, allowing this present to embrace me. Over the gentle shush of the waves I heard the plip of tiny foam bubbles breaking as each small wave spilled onto the shore. I felt the wind seem to blow right through me, as if through my soul, washing away what I no longer needed. I felt the sand slope beneath my feet, and was aware of the different angels at which I placed my feet. I experienced how easy it was to lose my balance without sight to guide and steady me.

It’s not easy to find the time to be still in our busy days. But this afternoon made me realise that if I am to embrace the present I must actively and intentionally invite stillness into my life. It was not easy to stop, to be still. I resisted the pull of stillness. But I knew I had to find some way of inviting it into my life, because without those moments of stillness I would be unable to truly embrace the present, as my head would be well into the future, planning the next thing to do.

Embrace the present, intentionally.

What do you do, what can you do, to invite stillness into your life?

Not everyone can take a walk on the beach but I’m sure that each of us can find ways to invite even a moment of stillness into our lives so that we become more aware of what is happening right at this present moment.  I am convinced that without intentionality towards stillness – of body, of mind, of soul – that we can never truly embrace the present and enjoy what is taking place in our lives at this very time.

I’d love to hear what you do to embrace the present, to be still in the moment, to intentionally invite stillness into your life. Let me know what you do in the comments below.

 

If you’d like to know more about embracing the present, just leave your details and we can share a free 30-minute Discovery Session together and explore ways that a Backstory Program could help you live your most fulfilled life.

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Watching birds to embrace the present.

There are Australian Ibises in the backyard.

They walk with long, determined strides, expansive wings tucked neatly into their bodies. Their long, black, curved beaks forage in the loose topsoil, looking for snails and worms.

I have seen them – 20 or more – sitting in palm trees, their collective weight bowing the large palm fronds so that they sway and bounce as one bird leaves, or another takes its place. Their feet, long grey toes splayed to spread their weight across the ground, seem unsuitable for palm-frond-perching.

Watching birds – an embrace-the-present activity I enjoy.

When I watch birds, my mind is no longer occupied by the cares of the day, nor by plans for the future. To really watch birds, to take notice of what they are doing, I must stay in the moment or I may miss the joy and beauty and surprises that they bring.

Birds are easily startled and, so, I must remain still to be able to take in all that is happening. Birds also change their activities quickly – one minute they’re walking across the grass, and the next they’ve taken flight. I must absorb the moment, embrace the present, before it gets lost in the next.

But I believe I can learn from birds, from watching them.

Embrace the present rather than dwell in the past

Two things that people do that can cause them pain are dwelling on the past or living for the future.

It is helpful to review the past and learn lessons from it, a process I do regularly especially when an unexpected response is triggered. I encourage my clients to do the same, because the past is a treasure trove of information and power for the future.  However, we must not make the past our home, or dwell there.

I have watched as a magpie stands beside a dead mate, which was probably been hit by a passing car.  It stands, as if in mourning, for their lost mate. But they don’t stay standing there forever. They have to move to stay alive – to not get hit by a car and to find food. They must come back to the present, embrace the present, to survive.

Embrace the present rather than merely live for the future

I have also noted birds in nesting season, gathering pieces of fabric and tufts of grass to build a nest. They are planning and building for the future, when that nest will hold eggs and hatchlings. But when the nesting season is done, the nest is abandoned as the birds and their young stay in the present –  growing, learning to fly and establish themselves as adults. The birds may return to that nest next season, or they may build a new one – depending on their nature – but they are not always preparing for new young.

If we live only for the future, we can miss the joys of life where we are today – in the present.

Embrace the present by making the most of the circumstances

Another aspect of watching birds is noticing how they make the most of wind currents.

If you’ve ever watched seagulls you know how they can hover on sea breezes, and hang suspended before dipping their wings to catch a changing current to take them out over the feeding ground in the ocean. Hawks, eagles and other raptors are expert navigators of the air streams, using them to soar and dive, and to travel long distances with minimal expense of energy. They embrace the present and truly go with the flow!

Birds know how to embrace their current circumstances, to use the air streams that present themselves to reach the goals and targets they are aiming for. Too often, we humans rage against the present, demanding that it be something more to our taste and liking. And yet, if we could learn from the birds, we would be able to embrace the present and allow what is happening right at this moment to empower us. We would find ourselves perhaps in new and unexpected places, but also more at ease and relaxed.

Embrace the present and live life to the full

I have not yet met a person who does not want to live a fulfilled and happy life. However, many of us sabotage that desire by either dwelling on the past, and allowing the experiences there to rob us of joy in the present. Or, we are so focussed on the future, with our plans and ambitions, that we miss the daily joys and surprises. Or, we judge our present circumstances and find them wanting, and allow that judgement to colour our day.

But, we have the choice – each day, each moment. Choose to embrace the present and you may be surprised by what you see.

I would love to hear how you embrace the present. Add your thoughts in the comments below.

Want to find out how embracing the present can bring you closer to that fulfilled life?  Just fill in your details for a FREE 30 minute Discovery Session (Skype, What’s App, Zoom).

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Leaving the Water

Just like the fish in the ancient Chinese proverb, ‘A fish is the last one to know what water is’, everyone has ‘water’ that they swim in – an unconscious understanding of life and the world which shapes and colours all that we do, think and say.

This ‘water’ is a combination of the culture we grew up in, the sub-section of that culture that our family was part of and the distinctive understandings of life that are important to our particular family. For me, my culture was white Australian, the sub-section was conservative middle-class Christian and my family was a strong, self-contained but somewhat isolated unit (I have no cousins and only met some second cousins in mid-life).

Just like the fish in its own bowl of water, I swam in my ‘water’ quite oblivious to its reality and its impacts on my understanding of the world. This ‘water’ had been the norm for me since birth and I rarely questioned its validity or the subtle effect it had on my outlook – not until I went to Nauru.

Being immersed in a culture other than my own, mixing with people from many nations (The Salvation Army team consisted of people from Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Sri Lanka, Burma, US, New Zealand, Australia, UK, Vietnam and Nauru), hearing so many different languages swirl around me, and working with staff of different faiths (Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, atheist) opened my mind and heart to ways of looking at life that were different, and yet still similar, to my own.

When I returned to my ‘water’ at the end of the contract and took time to reflect on all I’d experienced, I began to reassess. I could now see the ‘water’ I’d been swimming in all my life and recognise its impact (fear and a sense of superiority).

I now had a decision to make.

My ‘water’ was real, its impact on my life was real, but I was no longer completely happy swimming in that ‘water’. There were aspects to my life that I saw needed to change.

And I had a choice.

I could be like the fish and continue to swim in this ‘water’ of my culture, faith and upbringing, without questioning how healthy it was. Or I could be like a tadpole, which also begins life in water but which, as it matures, grows into a frog and leaves the water behind.

I chose to be a frog.

I was thankful for much that my ‘water’ had given me, but I knew that it was no longer a healthy place for me to live. I knew there were other ways of looking at life and other cultural understandings which were as valid as my own. There were other stories that I needed to listen to and explore.

So I chose to be a frog and leave the ‘water’ behind.

Ribbit!

What’s your water?

There’s an old Chinese proverb which says: a fish is the last one to know what water is. The idea is that all of us have unconscious understandings of the world based on our cultural and racial heritage which influence what we do, the decisions we make and the attitudes we hold.

I’m a child of the 60s and a teenager of the 70s. I grew up in conservative, white, middle-class, Protestant Bible-belt Australia.

Fast-forward to 2012.

I’m a single-again mid-life woman working with The Salvation Army when it is awarded a contract by the Australian Government to provide welfare services for asylum seekers in the newly-reopened off-shore detention and processing centres on the Republic of Nauru and Manus Island (part of Papua New Guinea.) I volunteered for a four-week rotation on Nauru, not because I had a burning desire to work with asylum seekers, not because I wanted to work in a developing nation, and definitely not because I wanted to work in the tropics.

I volunteered because I couldn’t think of any reason why not to.

After catching the red-eye from Brisbane, Australia, with 80 or so others, I stepped out into the tropical heat wondered what I’d got myself into. After a full day of orientation, and having been up for over 24 hours, the last item on the day’s agenda was to check out ‘the camp’ where the 400 or so men were being housed in green army tents. As my group walked between the rows of tents and I watched the men sitting on their stretchers or talking to each other. Some looked at us with vague interest, but mostly we were ignored. However, I became aware of feeling afraid.

As I reflected on that feeling of fear and realised that it had no physical basis I saw that this fear was solely based on ‘otherness’.

These men were ‘other’ to me: other nationalities, other faiths, other languages. What was shocking for me was to realise that in me was a latent racism based purely on the homogenous ‘water’ of my childhood and upbringing. I had always said I didn’t have a racist bone in my body – I now knew that this was untrue.

Some months later, I discovered some more about my personal ‘water’. I was a white university-educated Aussie, working in a facility run by Australians with a team of Nauruans providing support services, as teacher’s aides, running the canteen, being part of the welfare team. There was little collaboration by the Aussie leadership with the Nauruans and the longer I was there, the more I became aware of sense of superiority that characterised the interactions between Aussies and Nauruans – including my own.

I spoke of my burgeoning understanding of this superiority I felt to the woman leading the Nauruan team. Her comment was that the Nauruans felt it too but just knew this was the way we were. I was appalled.

On returning to Australia when the contract ended I took a good look at myself and my life. I started asking questions and talking to people about what I’d learnt about myself. I discovered that there was name for that combination of fear and superiority that people like me felt when confronted with difference – white privilege.

That was my ‘water’ and it impacted all my interactions with others and especially those who were different to me.

Owning our stories

One of the most interesting parts of a teacher’s day, especially with young children, is ‘news’ time or ‘show and tell’. As well as finding out about what sport children played on the weekend, what new thing they’d discovered in the garden, certain family secrets came to light. Stories were told that the adults in the child’s family would have been embarrassed to know had been broadcast, even to such a small an audience.

Another aspect of a teacher’s experience is when children ‘dob’ on each other, telling stories of what someone did or said. It was often a laborious part of my day as a teacher trying to get to the bottom of stories, to uncover the ‘truth’, because the ‘truth’ of these stories varied with whoever was doing the telling!

As we look back over our lives, we can see many different stories. Some are ones we cherish because they brought joy or beauty to our lives. Some parts of our story are sad or hurtful and continue to haunt us. Some parts of our story we wish had not happened at all.

Now for a little self-disclosure: I’m divorced.

Divorce was not on my bucket list. Being single, after the initial teens and twenties angst, was not part of the plan. But there it is.

For a long time, I found it difficult to admit that divorce was part of my life story – I knew it was but didn’t really like to talk about it. That is until I read a quote by Brené Brown.

This American scholar, author and public speaker writes that ‘…loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest things we can do’.

Brave? Own my story? These two thoughts really resonated.

So I wrote down various aspects of my life story, focusing on the things that still brought me shame or sadness. Wrote them down, read them out loud…and then tossed the paper they were written on away.

I needed to hear myself admit, to myself, that certain things were part of my story. They didn’t happen to someone else – they were mine. And once I’d ‘owned’ them, they no longer had to power to hurt.

Those personal backstories…we all have them, they impact us all in different ways.

But if we can own them then they don’t have the power to own us.

The past is the past. Let’s own it for what it is…and find power for the present.

Going to the movies

When my dad was young, he’d ride his bike down to the local cinema on a Saturday afternoon and watch two movies for a penny.

As a kid, I repeated this Saturday afternoon ritual, but rather than watching a movie at the flicks I’d bunker down on the lounge room floor and watch movies on TV with Dad.

We watched anything and everything – westerns, comedy, drama, war movies, musicals, even some sci fi. Jimmy Stewart, Charleton Heston, John Wayne, Doris Day, Errol Flynn, Bing Crosby, Rock Hudson, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, Katherine Hepburn, Clark Gable, Audrey Hepburn, Gregory Peck, Elizabeth Taylor, Mickey Rooney, Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, A grade, B grade…we watched the lot.

When my sons were younger, this movie-watching tradition continued, but this time it was back at the cinema watching G and PG-rated movies together, and then buying the videos (and later DVDs) so that lines from movies became a part of our family conversations.

I still watch movies and love Cate Blanchett, Judy Dench, Maggie Smith, Meryl Streep, Emily Blunt, Bruce Willis, Denzel Washington, Emma Stone, Morgan Freeman, Brendan Fraser and Keanu Reeves.

It is no surprise then that my consultancy would take its theme and focus from the movie world – Backstory.

Merriam-Webster define backstory as ‘a story that tells what led up to the main story or plot as of a film)’, while Oxford adds that it is ‘a history or background created for a fictional character in a film or television program’.

Backstory is the behind-the-scenes information which impacts how characters behave and think and often determines how the plot unfolds. For the most part, the backstory is hidden or may only be partially disclosed as the story develops.

It’s not just fictional characters that have a backstory.

Each individual has a backstory. Every business or community group has a backstory. Nations have backstories.

The thing about a backstory is that it can impact both positively and negatively in the present.

The key is to know what our backstory is, to acknowledge its power and then to work with it to grow and develop.